Beauty in the Breakdown

Summer 2010

2010-07-18T13:45:00.001-05:00

Working at the University of Chicago Investments Office for the summer.

I spent this weekend on the set of Transformers 3.

2010-01-29T12:15:00.001-05:00

new goal: watch a live performance of Don Giovanni

2010 Resolutions

2010-01-03T02:10:00.002-05:00

1. Understand and accept the person I am today, and learn more about the person that I want to become tomorrow.

2. Stick to my budget

3. Don't buy any clothes until my birthday (unless it's an emergency).

4. Stick with the same planner the entire year.

Summer Reading 2009

2009-06-25T18:34:00.001-05:00

1. Expressionism
Expressionism was a movement in the arts during the early part of the 20th century that emphasized subjective expression of the artist’s inner experiences.
- Express yourself and read a book of your choice.

2. Portraiture
A portrait is a painting or other artistic representation of a person. The intent is to display the likeness, personality and even the mood of the person.
- Read a biography or autobiography.

3. Archaic Art
Ancient civilizations have birthed the first forms of literature. One subject was myth — part legend, based sometimes on the dim memory of historical events; part folktale; and part religious speculation; another subject, philosophy. Produced were works ranging from epic poetry to symposiums with philosophic underpinnings.
- Read an ancient work of literature.

4. Art Deco
Art Deco was a popular international art design movement from 1920 until 1939 and was characterized by linear decorative designs. This period is also considered to be the Golden Age of Detective Fiction and some of the best mystery novels were written during this period.
- Read a mystery novel or watch a mystery film.

5. Realism
Realism in art is defined by the accurate, unembellished, and detailed depiction of nature or contemporary life.
- Read a non-fiction book.

6. Pop Art
Pop culture art was an art movement in the 1950s to 1970s that incorporated modern popular culture and the mass media.
- Read a book currently listed on the New York Times Best Seller List.

7. Romanticism
The Romantic Movement emphasized emotional, spontaneous and imaginative approaches. Romanticism represented the departure from classical form and an emphasis on emotional and spiritual themes.
- Read a romance novel or watch a romance feature film.

8. Symbolism
Symbolist painting emphasized fantasy and imagination in their depiction of objects. The artists of the movement often used metaphors and symbols to suggest a subject and favored mystical and occult themes.
- Read a science fiction novel.

9. Classicism
Classicism refers to the appreciation and imitation of Green and Roman literature, art, and architecture. Although the term is normally used to describe art derived from ancient influences, it can also mean excellence, high artistic quality and conservatism.
- Read a book considered to be a classic.

10. Postmodernism
Postmodernism was a late 20th century movement in art that aimed to remove the divisions between art, popular culture, and the media
- Listen to an audiobook or read an eBook.

11. Contemporary Art
Contemporary art represents artistic work from the present era that uses the current practices and styles of its discipline.
- Read a graphic novel.

12. Minimalism
Minimalism describes movements in various forms of art and design, where the work is stripped down to its most fundamental features.
- Read a collection or anthology of poetry.

original post by xulilux

Today

2009-06-09T14:27:00.002-05:00

1.How far away is the last person you kissed?
251 miles.

2.Has someone ever told you they would be with you forever?
I think so.

3.Last person you were in the car with?
Dawei

4.Any plans for tomorrow?
Finish/turn in paper, studying math all day long.

5.How long does it take for you to take a shower?
15-20 minutes

6. Would you wear odd socks?
Yes

7.Is tomorrow going to be a good day?
Hopefully it'll be productive

8.Did you kiss anyone Friday?
No.

10.What's on your mind RIGHT NOW?
Finishing the paper, wings game, apartment stuff, and going home.

11.Who was the last person you talked to?
Liza! She's right next to me.

12.What is the WORST subject they teach at school?
Right now, natural science. Thank goodness I'm done with it forever.

13.Have you seen anyone lately that you don't get along with?
Kind of (my roommate).

15.Have you ever been in a car accident?
No.

16.Whats the closest thing to you that's green?
Liza's pillow.

17.Where would you like to be right now?
In my bed at home.

18.Write down some lyrics to the song your listening to:
"Wide open spaces"

19.How many dogs do you have?
None.

20.is anything bugging you right now?
My sosc paper.

21.How is life going for you right now?
Ehh...I think this summer will be another new beginning.

22.Is there someone you care about more than yourself?
Everyone else besides me.

23.What made you laugh today?
Friends

24.What was the last movie you watched?
Hmm that cooking movie with Catherine Zeta-Jones

25.What's the last conversation you had about?
Whether I should stay until Monday or not.

26.What were you doing at 7:00 this morning?
Sleeping

27.Do you like your hair long or short?
Medium-length

29.Do you like the rain?
Depends on whether it's refreshing or not.

30.Do you think you'll have a Valentine this year?
No clue.

31.The last person you kissed needs you at 3 AM, would you go?
Since he's four hours away, no.

32.Would you honestly say you'd risk your life for someone else
Yes

33.If you could go back 4 months and change things,would you?
No. March was great.

34.What do you want to name your future kids?
Emma if she's a girl.

34.Could you see yourself with someone forever?
Right now no.

35.What was the first thing you thought when you woke up?
I don't want to get up, but I have a final in two hours.

36.Do you think you can last in a relationship for 6 months or more?
It's been a year now.

37.Do you forgive or forget?
Just forgive.

38.Do you trust people?
Yes on a short-term level, probably never on a long-term basis.

39.What are you not looking forward to?
Sosc paper and talking to Tommy.

40.Do you get mad easily?
No, I act like it though.

41.Has anyone ever told you that you have pretty eyes?
Kind of?

42.Do you have strange dreams?
I don't dream anymore

43.Ever licked someone’s cheek or forehead?
lol don't think so.

44.Last time you fell asleep in someone’s arms?
Memorial day weekend.

46.What do you have on you at all times?
UCID

47.Would you go out in public without getting dressed up or put together?
Yes

48.Do you like fruity or minty gum?
Both!

50. Favorite film of all time?
The Italian Job

52. First album you ever went and bought with your own money?
Hmm..Gavin DeGraw?

53. Think back five months ago, were you single?
Nope.

54. Do you believe in celebrating anniversaries?
No.

55. Do you think someone is thinking about you right now?
It depends.

57. Are you a jealous person?
I might seethe a bit on the inside.

58. Does it take a lot to make you cry?
Haha no way.

59. Do you have a friend of the opposite sex you can talk to?
Always.

61. Do you like to cuddle/snuggle?
Best thing ever.

62. Is there anybody you wish you could be spending time with right now?
I'm not sure actually.

63. What does the 16th txt in your phone say?
"Yayayayay thank you so much"

64. Would you like anybody to text or call you right now?
Not really.

65. Is your life anything like it was a year ago?
Hardly.

66. This time last year, can you remember who you liked?
Tommy.

67. You can only drink ONE liquid for the rest of your life, what is it?
Iced tea.

68. Have you lost contact with someone you wish you didn't?
A lot of old friends.

69. What is the last thing you said out loud?
Ooh no idea.

70. When was the last time you cried?
I teared up yesterday.

71. Do you have friends you can tell stuff to and you're sure they won't tell?
Actually no.

72. What is the last thing you did before you went to bed last night?
Turn off the lights.

73. What can't you wait for?
Summer

74. Have you ever told anyone you would marry them?
No.

75. What's the worst way to say "i love you?"
Out of perfunctory

76. Seven days from now will you be in a relationship?
I honestly have no idea.

77. Are you mad about anything?
School.

78. What is the last thing you got in trouble for with your parents?
Coming back too late.

79. Are you mean?
I try not to be.

80. Were you happy when you woke up today?
No.

81. Has a boy/girl called you babe or baby in the past two days?
No.

82. Do you hate it when people smoke around you?
It's just annoying.

83. Do you have anything that belongs to an ex boyfriend/girlfriend?
No

84. Has anybody ever given you butterflies?
Yes

85. How long do you think you will live?
Hopefully to at least 70's.

86. Does it bother you when people respond with one word?
Yes, but I do it quite often as well.

87. Do you believe once a cheater, always a cheater?
No.

88. Who disgusts you?
Myself

90. What are you currently craving?
Motivation to finish my paper.

91. Is your hair naturally curly or straight?
Straight

92. Do you drink tea?
Yes

93. How do you feel about chocolate covered strawberries?
Yummy

94. Do you currently have feelings for anybody?
I think they're slowly fading away.

95. Have you ever stripped for money?
No

96. Is the last person you kissed more than a year older than you?
Nope younger.

97. Ever kissed someone with the letters c, a, s,d,m, k, or j as their first initial and who?
Not talking about this

98. Two days from now this time, where will you be?
Still in Hyde Park.

99. Do you think you are a good person?
I say: most of the time.

First Year

2009-06-05T17:19:00.002-05:00

-go to a live Oprah taping
-party in a penthouse
-shotgun a beer
-funnel a beer
-make amazing friends
-go to a White Sox game
-go to a Red Wings game
-have deep dish pizza
-wear a snuggie to a soccer game
-drink on the beach
-hike up sand dunes

Book List 2009

2009-02-16T02:19:00.002-05:00

1. New Moon by Stephanie Meyer
2. Cat's Cradle by Kurt Vonnegut

New Year's Resolutions 2009

2009-01-05T03:03:00.002-05:00

1. Get all A's
2. Eat breakfast every morning
3. Read a book a month

Book List 2008

2008-12-31T19:07:00.007-05:00

1. Macbeth by Shakespeare
2. The Undomestic Goddess by Sophie Kinsella
3. Life of Pi by Yann Martel
4. The Road by Cormac McCarthy
5. Pygmalion by George Bernard Shaw
6. Slaughterhouse Five by Kurt Vonnegut
7. Frankenstein by Mary Shelley
8. Angels and Demons by Dan Brown
9. Twilight by Stephanie Meyer

Currently reading:

2008-02-29T05:57:00.004-05:00

Happy Leap Day!

Just felt like I had to post to commemorate this special day that only occurs every four years =)
Too bad March is going to be slightly depressing. I don't have any free weekends. I really miss being able to relax and just take a break sometimes.

Why Chicago?

2008-01-01T15:02:00.001-05:00

I fell in love with the tables. Cozy and square, the tables at the University of Chicago make for a delectable environment of learning and discussing the wealth of knowledge that mankind has acquired since the world began. I see myself here, bright and early on a Monday morning, ready to begin the day’s learning with a discussion on the parallelism between the Roman Empire and the United States. Sitting on the side of the table, I have a perfect panoramic view of my classmates and professor. Only these tables, having neither a beginning nor end, can allow for such open dialogue. There’s no front or back of the room –the concentration of thought is focused in the center, where anyone can share ideas without turning his or her back against another.

There’s a hole in the center of the table, but that hole is strategically placed. The empty center represents me, my mind, waiting to be filled with fascinating interpretations of Plato, Aristotle, Marx, and Nietzsche. The sides of the table creating this gap represent the Core curriculum. My foundations are based on the great works of humanity thus far, but to actively contribute to the Great Conversation that for millennia, philosophers, scientists, and artists have participated in, I must find my own space in time to fill in the gaps. The hole represents what I am right now, a blank slate, who, not knowing much about anything, wants to learn about everything.

Whether it’s sitting around the tables inside a classroom, dining hall, or at a Starbucks downtown, my love for learning and discussions can be closely reflected on the opportunities for constant conversation that the Chicago community provides. In addition, the city of Chicago provides innumerable opportunities to experience a plethora of cultures and other learning experiences. I see myself spending a day in the city, getting lost in the Museum of Contemporary Art, only to stumble out and into the Downtown Theater District to watch Avenue Q. My love of the university’s proximity to a major city isn’t only because of the fun things I could do there, however. One of the reasons that I like Chicago’s urban environment is because I want to build a better community for urban youth so that these children can seize some of the same opportunities that have been presented to me. Since junior year, my vision of the good life is to run a nonprofit that seeks to educate the child of the less fortunate. What’s the use of learning if one can’t use it to better humanity? To me, Chicago fuses perfectly my idea of an intellectually stimulating college that is also deeply entrenched in bettering its surrounding neighborhoods.

Favorite Things II

2008-01-01T14:53:00.000-05:00

I’ve discovered a new genre of music: emo classical. Represented by one of my favorite musical groups, the Angry String Quartet, emo classical combines the soothing, harmonious chords of a string quartet with the melodies of songs from contemporary alternative “emo” bands. My favorite tributes that the Angry String Quartet has paid homage to are songs by Taking Back Sunday. Instead of harsh guitar chords and underlying drumbeats to give off the energetic, yet depressing, tone of most emo songs, short, high-pitched violin and viola notes are accompanied by the coiling tension of a deeper sounding cello to produce a happier, more fluid
transposition.

Though the Angry String Quartet does not compose any of its own pieces (and that's the beauty of it), it does bring out the simplicity of melody that contemporary bands mask under the disguise of guitar riffraff and angry, high-pitched words about death and lose loves. My favorite quality about the music that the Angry String Quartet plays is that there are no lyrics -all of the tracks are pure melody. Instead of being distracted by the words in the song, I can focus solely on the beauty of the unison of notes that are played -a fusion between the classical and contemporary.

This is the one that I submitted to Chicago -more boring, yes, but I'm so glad Isaac introduced me to the Angry String Quartet =). It's also what I listen to when doing calculus =P

Favorite Things

2008-01-01T14:43:00.000-05:00

Note: must be sung (out loud) to the tune of "My Favorite Things"

Brooks' editorials in the New York Times
Howard Roark's soliloquies are so divine
Chopin, Debussy, and piano strings
These are a few of my favorite things

Norton's Anthology of World Masterpieces
Barnes and Nobel's classic edition releases
Ella Enchanted and Forest Gump
These are the things that always trump

Into the the Woods and the Apple Tree
Are musicals that have meaning for me
Along with Confucian texts from Beijing
These are a few of my favorite things

When the page turns
When the song plays
When I need inspiration
I simply remember my favorite things
That make up my education...

This is written out of frustration after a bubble tea run to Ann Arbor. I didn't submit this though.

The Cave

2008-01-01T14:40:00.000-05:00

“Suppose there are men, bound within a cave…”

I listened while Mr. Mui was illustrating Plato’s Cave to us on a pizza box. We’re by a fire pit on a cold and rainy night, but learning can take place anywhere.

“The prisoners are facing one direction, and all they see is a blank wall.”

It wasn’t the first time I’ve heard this, but each retelling reveals something new. That night, I realized that all of the chains could be psychological. The prisoners were comfortable with their lives. Why should they give up their reality for an unknown?

“People with all sorts of objects walk across a bridge, and though the prisoners can’t see them, they see the shadows that were cast onto the wall…”

My love of philosophy first began with this story. After hearing about Plato’s Cave, the world began to make sense.

“Somehow one man escaped…”

I compare myself with the prisoner who saw the light. After I learned about this, I couldn’t just turn around and go back to a life of pop culture, TV shows, and video games. I had to learn more. Just thinking about all the knowledge that is out there is overwhelming, but the beginning of every journey requires a first step.

“…and found the light.”

I don't think I used this for anything, but it's cute nevertheless. I really think I've found my writing voice after slaving over all these essays.

Fun

2008-01-01T14:34:00.002-05:00

Having fun means impromptu trips to Ann Arbor while singing Disney songs at the top of my lungs, spontaneous Scrabble matches at Panera, and finally overturning a 20-game losing streak of Connect Four in the green walls of Bubble Island. It’s discussion turned into arguments over what is good, true, and beautiful, analyzing contemporary art at the Detroit Institute of Arts, and late night conversations about culture and globalization. A fun weekend would be guys versus girls on Board Games Friday, museum hopping in Midtown on Saturday, and a late night calculus rally session on Sunday.

Fun is reading Dora books to my sister, perusing a week’s worth of New York Times editorials, sipping a tall caramel frappuccino at Starbuck’s with Rand or Eco. It’s trying to, but abysmally failing at ballroom dancing with Matt at a charity dinner, watching break dancers on the streets, and losing track of time while playing the piano.

Fun is the journey that I take with my friends everyday.

Haha I love how I wrote the exact same thing in this one as my personal statement.

My World

2008-01-01T14:29:00.000-05:00

The great Enlightenment philosopher Immanuel Kant once said, “Give me matter, and I will construct a world out of it!” Describe yourself by describing your world. What is it made out of? How big is it? Who and what is in it?

Who am I? The answer is wholly dependent on where I come from…

My world is the nonstop action of running from one event to another, from experiencing the homeless life to discussing race and ethnicity issues with anyone who’s willing to listen. My world is comprised of late-night online rally sessions with friends to keep each other company during the long, arduous nights of writing term papers, making up a week’s worth of calculus homework, and pretending to know how to play Yahoo! Mahjong at 4 a.m.

Ford Road is the main artery to my heart. In an arm’s length, Ann Arbor is on the tips of my left hand, Dearborn and Detroit on my right. My heart leaps at the thought of midnight road trips and Disney music blasting from my car on the way to pick up some taro tiki tea, being so close, yet so far away from the coveted high score list of Photohunt, and finally overturning a 20-game losing streak of Connect Four within the green walls of a little bubble tea shop. The streets of Ann Arbor are my playground –the hunt for geocaches and fairy doors, the hugs from breakdancers on the Diag, the picture of the pilot Youth Dialogue group hanging on the wall of the School of Social Work.

On my right side is the rising skyline of the Motor City as I-96 merges with I-94. From the cubicles of Orchestra Place to the parking lot of the Cathedral Church of St. Paul, I’ve become integrated with the vibrant community of Detroit. My world is the Cass Café, where lunch meetings turn into social hour in the middle of a makeshift art gallery that features local artists’ work, the Museum District and its abundant stores of knowledge down Woodward Avenue, the hope for Detroit to rejuvenate itself.

In the center of this world are my friends, family, and mentors. My world is being ten minutes late to physics class after discussing APAC’s direction with Mr. Mui, realizing that everything I do stems from this club, and soaking in the familiar sight of his triangular-shaped classroom in which I’ve discovered my love for impromptu discussions of politics, philosophy, and race issues. My evenings are study sessions on the second floor of café of Borders, concocting pranks instead of reading about the Byzantine Empire, delivering homemade cupcakes to friends at midnight, and impromptu Scrabble matches at Panera.

My world is an amalgam of everyday sights, sound, experiences, and memories, an incomplete world full of contradictions and unexplained phenomena. Though my world has confused me more so than ever about my identity, beliefs, and modes of thought, my everyday encounters with the unknown have given me a taste of what could be.

2008

2008-01-01T14:26:00.000-05:00

Last year was absolutely miserable. College applications, fights with parents -the only good that was going for me were my absolutely wonderful friends. And our addiction to board games.

Resolutions:
1. Read at least a book a month (same as last year)
2. Work out at least twice a week/lose five pounds
3. Find a prom date
4. Make the most of second semester senior year

Now that I'm all done with applying to places, I'll post some of my essays and short answers. I honestly think that the ones I wrote in half an hour are much better than the other ones I actually tried.

2007 Book List

2007-12-31T10:27:00.000-05:00

My new year's resolution was to read at least a book a month, for school or pleasure.

1. The Little Prince
2. The Alchemist
3. The Power of the Myth
4. 1984
5. Sir Gawain and the Green Knight
6. The Tempest
7. The Fountainhead
8. Othello

*Summer Reading*
9. Anthem
10. Everything You Need to Know about Asian American History
11. Atlas Shrugged
12. Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows
13. American-Born Chinese

14. Oedipus

Currently Reading: The Omnivore's Dilemma [never finished]

Summer Reading List:
I give up on War and Peace

edit 1/1/08: It is truly pathetic that I've only read 14 books last year. 2/3 were for school. It's also a pity that I never finished reading The Omnivore's Dilemma, but school and college apps took over the latter half of last year.

The Time of my Life

2007-09-07T22:26:00.000-05:00

Originally I was supposed to go to Ann Arbor, pick up Kai, and get his Creative Impulse. What happened instead is a sad, sad story that could only have happened to me.

I drove the Neon tonight. Thought it was just like any other night, going off to somewhere when my mother was mad at me. Unfortunately, the little red car had some problems. Instead of driving smoothly as a vehicle should do, this hunk of steel wouldn't move when I stepped on the gas pedal; all I heard was the engine running as fast as I could. And then it moved, so whenever I stopped and went again, driving consisted of nothingness and then a big lurch. I didn't realize this until I was actually in Ann Arbor. At that point, something didn't seem quite right, so I pulled into a parking lot, opened the hood, and smelled...something.

By that point, I started to think this wasn't such a good idea after all. Being too scared to drive back, I did what any other teenager in a semi-foreign city would do: I called mother dearest. Thankfully she didn't sound mad (yet) and told me Dad would come pick me up. Ironically, I ended up in the strip mall where the Ann Arbor Chinese Store was, so directions to the location was unnecessary (luckier for me, my phone decided to shut off at that point). Plus, Mother wanted me to buy some tofu at the grocery store. Off to the store I go, but then I had a sudden epiphany: might as well read some physics if I'm stranded! Even better, read physics in a Chinese restaurant while eating fried chicken! I honestly don't know why this sort of thing happens to me, but it's life.

The sad thing about all of this is:
1. I most likely won't have a car for the rest of year
2. I'm probably grounded for an indefinite amount anyway.

Senior

2007-09-05T21:55:00.000-05:00

I'm lacking motivation. Go figure I'm a senior. But there's still so much to do...and school doesn't look so hot right now.

At least I have physics and humanities to look forward to.

Summer

2007-06-16T19:46:00.001-05:00

I'm a SENIOR! High school has definitely gone by too quickly. I still remember like it was yesterday when Chris Q. found me sitting in the Canton social studies wing and told me to go to APAC. I will definitely miss that hallway.

I don't have many plans this summer -for once, it'll be about relaxing and enjoying my time. Girls State starts tomorrow; after that, it's just going to be me, R&R, and some great books. I started my summer reading list, but I'll need a lot more books than just three (though those are huge books). Other than reading, summer will be about: new board bonding and training (most likely reading circles =)), college applications and visiting, ACA camp counseling, and hopefully Kumon tutoring. I really want that job.

And about my grades: A+ on my term paper!!!! I'm super excited about that and very proud of myself (except for my Marxist section). Hopefully Mr. Read will use it as an example for next year. I'm also ecstatic about my A- in chem after spending 12 hours studying for the final. Not so happy about my A- precalc grade though. Damn graph questions. But still, once again Sarah is #1 =).

I'm actually really excited to start the whole college application process. My writing has definitely improved tremendously this year.

AP's have sucked out my soul

2007-05-13T12:15:00.000-05:00

Three tests, one week. I'm pretty sure I failed most of them, and I don't want to see that score report the third week of July. Especially APUSH. A 4 may be good, but history is my best subject!!! I just don't want to face the disappointment from my teachers since, after all, I was supposed to do "great." These past few weeks have been hell. I just want life over with.

Elasticity

2007-05-07T22:13:00.000-05:00

It’s 10:15pm. After coming home at around 4pm, I went to the library and finished the additional active readings that we had to do for this notebook. I ate dinner and surfed the net for 4 hours. It’s 10:16pm. I’m supposed to be writing about a time when I placed myself out of my depth and assumed that I could do more than I could. I have approximately nine hours of homework and things that I need to get ready before school tomorrow. It’s 10:18pm. I have less than seven hours to cram everything in. Once again, I will not be sleeping at all on a school night.

I’ve pulled two real all-nighters this year and both, not surprisingly, was most likely due to procrastination. There have been days and days where I would get approximately four hours of sleep. I didn’t complain. Sure, I was tired and cranky, but that was what was expected out of junior year. It’s not the toughest high school year for no reason. Every junior goes through it. I should pat myself on the back for not going insane. The problem, however, is that I am going crazy. At this point, with six weeks left of the semester, I’m experiencing burnout. You should’ve known that this would happen. You should’ve paced yourself.

The ironic thing is that I attribute this phase to APAC. The Asian-Pacific American Club, the club and family closest to my heart, second to my blood relatives, the club of which I’ve become co-president. APAC, the members of which I consider my brothers, sisters, family. No matter what, I’ll always be there for APAC because APAC is a part of me and I’m a part of it. For the past four months, I’ve sacrificed everything for this club: time, other friends, even schoolwork (what a shocker!). It had been a hard balancing act, but I managed it for the most part, up until spring break.

“Two weeks until show!” The theme for our skits between the performances centered on the executive board’s inability to think of a name for the show. Each skit details another weekly meeting of brainstorming and planning (of course, we met much MUCH more often than once a week). The irony is that we didn’t write any of these skits until spring break and even only a few days before the actual show. This spring break was the busiest vacation I’ve ever had. It didn’t feel like a break; in fact, it felt more and more like a workday as the week progressed. Every single day would be about planning for show: finding costumes, making the slideshow, filming the board video, and of course, dance practices –the to-do list was never ending, and the things that I mistakenly volunteered to do was one of the most time-consuming projects. For me, planning for APAC show almost lost its original purpose, to bond APACers closer together and to celebrate our rich culture. Instead of working together to solve problems and communicating with each other, board argued. A lot. Tension was at its highest, and I have never cried as much as I have before those two critical weeks (and I’m a big crier too).

“All choreographers get your lighting directions up to Paul by tonight! TWO DAYS UNTIL SHOW!” The week after spring break was rehearsal week. After the initial run-through on Wednesday, the show would have been seen as a disaster. No one was ready. Performers had not learned all the moves to their dances, the decorations were nonexistent, and everything was just a big mess. All in all, I had thought that the show would be a huge disappointment. Kati and I were still trying to live up to Chris and Hana’s legacy from two years ago, and as much as we tried, it seemed impossible. Despite being in the Logan Theatre instead of the Dubois, NOTHING seemed to be going right. I was out of my mind. I blamed APAC. I blamed board. I made the silliest rationalizations about why the rehearsals weren’t going perfectly. Deep inside, however, I blamed myself. It’s my fault that things aren’t going well. I’m co-president. I’m supposed to handle these types of situations. Yet I can’t even control my own emotions. Halfway through the rehearsal on Friday, I broke. All the girls on board did. Although we had a meltdown just a week before, the pressure at this point was strong enough to crush every part of us. A wave of emotion came flooding out and there was nothing I could do to stop it. I’m not strong enough to handle all this crap. I don’t have the time, the energy, nor the effort. I’ve failed myself.

In the seventeen years I’ve been around, I can remember only one instance in which I’ve gotten sick. Because of APAC, I have another experience. The day after I stayed up until 5 o’clock in the morning to make the slideshow during spring break, I realized that I’ve gotten sick. My throat was sore, I had a headache, and could barely move. Nonetheless, I got up, got dressed, and went to parasol practice. Helen, Milliza, and Kati were at my house until 1 am later writing the script for the skits. By that time, I was almost dead. I was coughing like a maniac and my head was throbbing to the point of explosion. The hours I put into APAC was making me sick. I was no longer taking care of my personal self anymore, but instead putting the needs of the club before my own.

Until then, I didn’t realize how hard I’ve been pushing myself, and I especially didn’t realize that there was a limit that I couldn’t pass. All through my life, I’ve pushed myself over that limit numerous times. I had to be the best. I had to do everything because if I didn’t, it would be a sign of failure. APAC showed me that it’s okay to not be able to do everything though. It showed me that I need to set priorities, not procrastinate (ha! Like I actually followed that one), and to take care of myself.
I’ve resigned to the fact that I’m not Superman, regardless of what the breakers call me. I can’t do everything. I’ve tried, and all I have to show for it is a B- in Chemistry. Yes, the show went amazing, but I still care about my grades. Now, as much as I would like to hang out and relax, I can’t. I have to keep pushing myself, but with academics I know that the road won’t be long. I know that I can stretch myself to the point of breaking with school, but I’ll never fully break. All I need is enough time to recuperate and get really for the next battle, but that’s what summer is for.

P.S. I didn't get into TASP.

future education

2007-03-08T22:09:00.000-05:00

“Follow your bliss.”
-Joseph Campbell

If students get paid to read, research, and learn everyday, I would take this as a job in a heartbeat and never retire. I’ve always enjoyed school because I excel at the subjects, but since I’ve entered high school my love of learning has increased infinitely. During a psychology class that I took the summer before sophomore year, my teacher and now mentor, Mr. Mui, first told me about Plato’s Allegory of the Cave. This story explains the reason why I believe that education is extremely important and that the quest for knowledge is a never-ending journey.

Truth, symbolized by the light outside of the cave, is so powerful that no person can fully experience its effects directly. Truth must be realized slowly and surely, backed with evidence to support it. Once a person has realized the truth and has accumulated a sufficient amount of knowledge, that person has a responsibility to free others who are kept in the dark so that the prisoners may realize that the shadows on the walls of the cave are merely false reflections of what they perceive to be reality. I want to know the truth; I want to learn all that mankind knows about the world and his place in it, and most of all, I want to be able to actively participate in the Great Conversation and contribute to it. However, in order for anyone to follow this millennia-old debate, pieces of the puzzle must be found and filled in. Education is the only way to find these missing pieces, and because over two thousand years of the history of civilization is an immeasurable amount of knowledge, learning does not end after school is finished. I see this not as a daunting task that is forced upon me, but something that is exciting, wonderful, and inspiring. There’s an indescribable feeling that I get when I suddenly realize that this book that I am reading, or this idea that I’m debating, has been read and debated by countless of other people. Material goods can be taken away, but knowledge is something that a person will always have.

This is the reason why I don’t have any defined plans or objectives for my future education, except to never stop learning or asking questions. I want to go to college not to only get a degree and prepare myself for a job, but to also have an intellectually stimulating environment where I can sit in a coffee shop with a mocha latte and discuss for hours with a stranger whether love truly exists.

In college, I would like to concentrate my studies on the humanities, though the doors to all kinds of paths are open. I would like to pursue some kind of graduate studies, perhaps on race relations, education, or feminism, which are subjects that I am most interested in.

As for a specific career, I’m still open to all sorts of possibilities, although ideally I would like to be the president of a nonprofit organization that educates and raises awareness of the importance of education in the 21st century. This would allow me to give back to my community and teach others what I have learned myself. I would not be who I am today without my teachers and mentors, especially Mr. Mui and Dr. Williams. I can honestly say that their lectures inside the classroom and discussions with them outside of it change the way I look at the world. They are teachers not for economic reasons, but because they both want to change the education system and shape the future for the better. Even though the school board or other teachers may reject their ideas, they still keep trying because it is their goal. I learned about persistence through them, the idea of following my dream because the journey is more important than the goal. Learning is the path that many people take to obtain their goals. However, I learn not because I have another goal in mind, but because I learn for learning’s sake.

tasp problem essay

2007-03-08T22:07:00.000-05:00

Every January, the Diversity Council at my school hosts an Annual Celebration of Diversity. It is a joyous celebration where the different cultural clubs at Plymouth-Canton Educational Park get to show off their culture through various traditional and modern dances. This show is a big hit and sells out annually. “Gee,” I thought, “who knew promoting diversity is such a big hit?”

Everywhere I look, people are talking about the importance of diversity. The affirmative action debate is an enormous part of this, precisely because it tries to define what diversity is and whether the ends of having a diverse student body or workforce justifies the means of selectively picking out members to make up said body. I used to be an ardent supporter of affirmative action, but after discussing the issue with my teacher, Mr. Mui, and reading several articles on race relations, I’ve changed my position. Although I still support affirmative action, I’d rather use it to see the socioeconomic inequalities being made up rather than race.

Although the topic of race relations is still a touchy subject for many people, there is general consensus that the promotion of diversity is beneficial to society. However, this enthusiasm for diversity is masking one of the oldest historical conflicts in American society: the class conflict. From any statistic, one can see the immediate differences between the lifestyles and education attainment of the richest 10% of Americans and the poorest 10%. The opportunities for the poor are almost nonexistent. They are the people who live from paycheck to paycheck, have minimum-wage jobs, and very little education. During the Celebration of Diversity, there was a skit that addressed the issue of “classism,” discriminating against class. The skit was basically a childish, simplistic version of why we shouldn’t judge people based on the type of clothes they wear.

Although it would be nice to live in a world where everyone would be able to get along with each other, the most devastating effect of this diversity-frenzy atmosphere is the tendency for Americans to ignore the disadvantages that the poor face, which are much more destructive than any racist remark or stereotype assumed. However, people tend to focus on race relations because it is the most visible difference. People may automatically assume that race is a factor in college admissions or other competitive races without considering the type of background that the person has. The poor tend to live in worse environments, with less adequate schools, the presence of drugs and gangs, and low motivation to succeed. Instead of being encouraged to use education as a stepping-stone to success, they look outside their window and see the lure of dealing drugs as a way to make quick money.

Ever since infanthood, working class kids have been at a disadvantage. Their parents often don’t know how to be good parents, and tend to speak fewer words in general and also fewer positive words, which hinder their vocabularies. Oftentimes, parents are not there to provide the moral and emotional support, so kids have to learn to grow up by themselves and without a stable, positive support system. Because they have started with major disadvantages, it is reasonable that these kids will still be at a disadvantage when the time comes to go to college and choose a career path. It isn’t their fault that they were born into less encouraging environments, so why punish them? To me, it is perfectly logical to give a student who shows potential a chance, even if his grades aren’t exactly up to par with the rest of the applicants. Students from the lowest socioeconomic class don’t have the advantages to have tutors who will help them gain the highest SAT score, or parents who have the money and time to send them to piano, ballet, or swimming lessons.

Without being conscience of these missed opportunities for the lower class, we cannot say that everyone has equal opportunities. However much we try to remedy the inequalities experienced by using affirmative action, we are not looking at the root of the problem. It is particularly hard to address the class problem not only because it is actually a cycle that seems impossible to break on the larger scale, but also because the United States likes to think of itself as being a classless society. Like the Horatio Algers of the 19th century, there is still the mindset that anyone can overcome their hardships if they set their mind to it. However, in reality, it is but a fantasy. Sure, there are the lucky few who are able to strike gold and live fairy tale lives, but for the most part, social mobility is almost nonexistent. This is because there is a cycle that keeps one’s life stagnant. A person who is born into a certain class will usually remain at about the same level that his or her parents are in. This is because there isn’t really a change in environment to nurture different skills or mindsets.

Although this is one of the biggest tasks that the future generations will have to face, that doesn’t mean that we should cover up traces of it right now. Diversity is a good and healthy goal, but there is more to diversity than having a sea of different colors. It doesn’t address the underlying problems of unequal opportunities, and more importantly, it covers the problem of the disadvantages that the lower class faces.

The Little Prince Lit Analysis

2007-03-08T22:05:00.001-05:00

Told by a nameless narrator, Antoine de Saint-Exupéry’s The Little Prince reveals the journey of one Little Prince, who is from a tiny planet far away. On the way to Earth, the Little Prince meets various characters that reaffirm his notion that “grown-ups are certainly very strange.” When the Little Prince reaches Earth, he meets a fox that tells him the secret of life. This “secret” is Saint-Exupéry’s message of the novel. “One sees clearly only with the heart. Anything essential is invisible to the eyes” (63). The most important things in life can’t be seen. Although the novel is written as a children’s book, with a simplistic writing style and a straightforward plot, it carries a profound message that is important for children of all ages to discover and learn.

On Asteroid B-612, the Little Prince tends a single flower. The flower is very vain and demands that he does certain things for her. The Little Prince complies, but he doesn’t really know why he loves the flower that much to follow her orders. It wasn’t until much later that the Little Prince realizes that he loves her “according to her actions, not her words” (24.) However, he was “too young to know how to love her” (25), which is why the Little Prince left his own planet to go on his journey to Earth.

This is the main example of the importance of inner value in the novel. During the scene where the Little Prince meets the fox, the fox mentions that being tamed means “to create ties.” This “tie” is the love that bonds two people together. Like all essential things, the process of being tamed cannot be seen with the eye. However, we can observe signs of a relationship between two people through their actions. “But if you tame me, we’ll need each other. You’ll be the only boy in the world for me. I’ll be the only fox in the world for you” (59). Even if there were a million flowers that looked the same as the Little Prince’s flower, they would still be different from her because the other flowers don’t mean anything to the Little Prince. It’s this invisible connection that makes the Little Prince favor his flower more, and it is also why he is tamed by her. “But my rose, all on her own, is more important than all of you together, since she’s the one I’ve watered. […] Since she’s the one I listened to when she complained or when she boasted, or even sometimes when she said nothing at all. Since she’s my rose” (63). The Little Prince is responsible for the vain flower, just as she is responsible for the Little Prince. While the prince waters her everyday and protects her from cold drafts, the flower perfumes the Little Prince’s planet. Without this sense of responsibility for the other, the flower would not have tamed the Little Prince. This is also why it’s hard to part away from something that one has tamed because there is the loss of time and effort spent on the other, which results in a feeling of neglect. “It’s the time you spent on your rose that makes your rose so important” (64).

Saint-Exupéry furthers his message by describing how adults have an obsession with numbers and superficial details. “Grown-ups like numbers” (10). On the fourth planet that the Little Prince visits, he meets a businessman who does nothing but count the stars in the sky. “This person was so busy that he didn’t even raise his head when the little prince arrived” (36). To the Little Prince, the man is not doing anything serious because he is not being useful to the stars that he supposedly owns. However, the businessman disagrees. “I manage them. I count them and then count them again. […] It’s difficult work. But I’m a serious person!” By implying that adults can only judge things based on a quantitative basis, the author implies that grown-ups have lost the imagination that once had filled their childhood minds. In the beginning of the novel, the narrator reminisces on how he had shown his drawing of the outside of a boa constrictor that had swallowed an elephant was misconstrued as a hat. The adults could only see the physical appearance of the hat and cannot imagine what could have been inside. Like love and being tamed, imagination is invisible to the eyes, but the heart can feel it.

Even though the narrator disagrees with the way quantitative way that adults view the world, he still describes the story by numbers. “If I’ve told you these details about Asteroid B-612 and if I’ve given you its number, it is on account of the grown-ups” (10). Because the secret to life is a universal message, it is imperative that everyone should understand it, regardless of age or the amount of imagination a person has. The narrator describes many things superficially because it would allow adults to be able to understand what something is, or why they think it is important. In addition, the narrator himself might be growing older and losing some of his imagination. “I may be a little like the grown-ups. I must have grown old” (13).

It is ironic that a grown man is telling this story because he is also stating that grown-ups can’t understand the story, but his acquaintance with the Little Prince has changed him into realizing that it will always be possible to change and open one’s heart. “ Look up at the sky. Ask yourself, ‘Has the sheep eaten the flower or not?’ And you’ll see how everything changes…” (83). In the end, the eyes can’t see what’s really important because what’s really important can be felt by the heart. This message, although written into the form of a children’s fairy tale, permeates throughout The Little Prince and is shown in different ways so that readers of all ages will be able to understand its meaning.

Happy.

2007-03-08T17:13:00.000-05:00

Today's reflection circle went really well even though we got kicked out of the cafeteria by security.

My TASP finalist letter came today. Now if only my interviewer would call me...
I realized that my essays aren't half bad. Sure they need a lot of work but I've come to terms with my writing style. Anyway, I'm not afraid to reread my work now. =)

2007-02-07T05:40:00.000-05:00

It's 5:45 am.

I just deleted what little thoughts I have. I've been on auto-mode for too long, but I'm afraid to come off it because if I do, my world will come crashing down. And I will realize that my thoughts aren't original, that I'm just like everyone else.

It's 5:49 am.

Time for that same old routine.

when does the bad luck stop?

2007-01-10T20:03:00.000-05:00

things i've lost at COD
1. black apac tshirt
2. ap psych tshirt
3. mom's serving platters
4. ipod

i'm sorry to admit that i cried over losing my ipod. it's just an object (a $300 one, but nevertheless it's an object). HOWEVER, it was the first major thing that i bought with money that i actually earned. yes, i'm still mad over it. more than anything though, i'm angry at myself for being so careless and not zipping up my bag.

all of these things (except for #3) had sentimental value. i got the black apac shirt after i got on board at the end of freshman year, when mui was giving us his extra shirts. ap psych was the first ap class i took, and i worked super hard to get that A- at the semester.

maybe God is teaching me a lesson though. i don't need physical objects to have memories. but they couldn't hurt, right?

Week of Hell

2006-12-22T00:49:00.000-05:00

Who would ever have thought that the week before Christmas would be so freaking difficult?

Tonight will be my second all nighter this week.

Sleep-Deprived in the Suburbs (another narrative for APE)

Since the dawn of the public education system, most students view school as one of, if not the most, oppressing force of their lives. To most of us students, school doesn’t allow for individuality to show, doesn’t break the vicious cycle of attending classes and doing homework, and most importantly, doesn’t give us the opportunity to be spontaneous and break rules without some sort of consequence. Now I’ve never thought of school as an oppressive force because intellectually, I find most of my classes interesting (I admit, I’m a dork for knowledge). However, my curiosity and love for knowledge has not been strong enough to keep this point of view this past week. I feel trapped into the cycle of school, extracurricular activities, homework, and school again, and there seems to be no way out of it. From all sorts of directions, I’ve been forced to stop caring about what I think and instead do what I should be doing. This, in effect, has made me crazy, sleep-deprived, and careless to the point where I just want to give up on everything.

It all started with the absolutely lovely Cuckoo’s Nest paper that we had to write for AP English. Mr. Read (you) told me that I need to restructure my paper so that it actually made sense. “Okay,” I thought, “he’s right. It needs major work and I’ll just do it over the weekend.” I had the most precise schedule worked out for that weekend: Friday night: Precalc and Waterland post; Saturday: AP Gov and the paper; Sunday: APUSH and the notebook. However, my old procrastinating self decided to work hard on getting me off track, and before I knew it, it was midnight on Sunday and I hadn’t started any of my Garraty outlines for APUSH.

For some reason, it never occured to me that I don’t have to finish my homework. The concept of always finishing homework before class is so ingrained into my unconscious that I panic when I leave an assignment at home (which rarely happens) or just totally forget to do something the night before (which is why I write assignments on post-its). Coupling this with my own internal expectations, I pulled an all-nighter that Sunday in order to outline the two chapters of the book needed. “I’m such a freaking idiot,” I thought (I talk to myself quite a lot), “there are outlines online that I can just take.” But no, I’m trapped in this role of being the model student that I would feel guilty for taking other people’s work.

School on Monday was tolerable. I’ve done the all-nighter thing before and realized that the real effects don’t take place until two or three days after (which is why one on a Sunday night is possibly the stupidest thing ever to do). When I walked into science Olympiad after school, the first thing Parth said was,

“Gee Sarah you look bad.”

Me: “Thanks Parth, nice to see you too.”
Parth: “I mean it looks like you pulled an all-nighter,” (He knew about it before)

ME: “Althea told me I looked like a zombie today. But I felt fine. Do I really look that bad?”

I didn’t really care about my appearance. But I thought that I looked semi-cute on Monday! “So much for trying,” I thought, “Guess I’ll use this energy for something more productive now. Like writing my conclusion for that paper.” The due dates and test dates for that week had permeated my conscious so much that it was all I could think about. How much time is ribbon dancing going to take away from active reading? How much time did I just waste by talking to people online? I had no life. In fact, I haven’t had a life since school started. It was then that I realized how I was just another victim of the education system’s Combine. There was no way to escape it. The Combine has engrained a sense of such responsibility that even on the one day that I skipped school (the only day that I’ve missed since entering high school), I spent the day not sleeping, not goofing off, but doing AP English and APUSH homework. Yes, I skipped school to do homework. And then I ended up going to school after classes were let out because I had extracurricular obligations that I would’ve felt absolutely horrible about if I didn’t go. If School and I were dating, I’d be the submissive, obedient, “whipped” person of the relationship.

As this week went by, I started to get more and more depressed. This has, by far, been the hardest week of the school year (and I thought the week before Christmas was supposed to be easy). One event creeps up after the other. A major assignment that was given a month ago is now due the next day. Ice cappuccinos have become my best friend. And worst of all, I haven’t been taking care of myself. This whole week I’ve been skipping lunch to go to the library and do homework. My life has finally fused into one with the Combine’s ideal. Everyday, I concentrate on nothing but homework, homework, and more homework. The never ending stream of due dates had made me lost sight of the life and beauty that the world has to offer, something that I haven’t regained until earlier tonight.

After the annual APAC Holiday Dinner, I felt more content than I had in that moment than during all week. As I was driving home at 9 pm, I wasn’t thinking about how I have to bake for three classes, how I haven’t bought any Christmas presents, how my notebook is due the next day, how I also have a math test and don’t even know the chapter that we’re studying. All I was thinking about was how happy everyone was during dinner and how fun the white elephant exchange was. My preoccupation with school has made me forget that it is the holiday season, the season to enjoy precious time on Earth with family and friends. As I was driving home, I played my CD of the Angry String Quartet’s renditions of Taking Back Sunday songs. They reminded me of the irony and enigma that is presented everywhere. Songs so emo by Taking Back Sunday are suddenly transformed into a beautiful violin solo. It was like how I was tired and grouchy throughout this week, but suddenly I felt content, which is something that I rarely feel even when things are going good. My spirit is intact after all. And I still do enjoy school, because underneath the complaints and whining, I enjoy the feeling of busyness because it doesn’t give me much time to really think about myself. Is that a sign of me bending towards the will of the Combine? Perhaps, but for now, the satisfaction of turning in my homework is enough for me.

this weekend

2006-12-03T20:41:00.000-05:00

i felt content.

even though i got raped by the SAT II Bio.
even though i'll be pulling an all-nighter tonight.

because

dim sum on saturday.
board sleepover later that evening.
holocaust museum this morning.

dare week

2006-11-28T22:22:00.000-05:00

I ran over a bunny this morning on my way to school. I didn't even respond to what was darting across the road fast enough to brake. Then I felt a thump near my front right wheel.

RIP bunny.

Happy Thanksgiving

2006-11-24T13:21:00.000-05:00

I'm a restless person. I've always been one, and I always will be. There is something that I'm seeking in life that I just can't find. A purpose maybe? Or my grail? I haven't been content for awhile and it depresses me I don't feel much joy in life. My emotions are like a roller coaster. Sometimes I wish that time would just stop and I can think about why I feel the way I feel. I go through this kind of period every couple of months. I don't know what I want, but I feel that if I did then I can get it. It's so ironic. I'm the opposite of most people.

happy times

2006-11-05T00:06:00.000-05:00

I love my friends. Kim, Sue, Kati, Kirk, Isaac, Tiffany, and Michelle showed up at my house tonight and took me to Ann Arbor so I can celebrate Milliza's birthday with them. We played Taboo for hours at Bubble Island, and then went to Pinball Pete's and watched Kirk's awesomeness at DDR. Plus me and Kati got to play the rowing game. My arms are sore now. Goodnight.

my life

2006-11-03T21:53:00.000-05:00

"Wow Sarah I just found out today that you tutor too! Is there anything you don't do?!"

I don't sleep and I don't have fun. The first is because I do so much. The latter is because of my mother.

Give it. Get it. Expect Respect.

2006-11-03T21:47:00.000-05:00

I pledge to actively respect all persons.

I will foster an environment that values both our similarities and our differences. I realize that there are other perspectives than my own. I will strive to be honest and respectful in all my interactions and will presume good will. I will honor this commitment in my classes, my personal life, and all other pursuits on and off campus. I will invite others to embrace this message.

Sleepless in Canton

2006-10-25T21:12:00.000-05:00

Today was the first day I've ever slept during class. Of course, it was chemistry and all we did was copy notes because there was sub, but nevertheless, it was liberating. Especially since I sit in the front row.

Lesson #1: Never pull an all-nighter on a Sunday night. It doesn't really hit you until two days afterwards.

Plymouth Homecoming 2006

2006-10-15T18:05:00.000-05:00

Kirk and I went to the tailgate on Friday. We were all decked out with Plymouth spirit, but it was too cold so we went to Starbucks instead.

Isaac was my date.

Kirk's house for before-pictures.

Milliza and I.

Dinner at Max & Erma's (Me and Michelle)

The actual dance was super crazy. It was so crowded in there that I can stand still and still look like I'm dancing because of the other people around me. Isaac and I lost each other 10 minutes into the dance, but it's okay, it was mutual ditching. It's a good way to celebrate us surviving the beginning of junior year. =)

Awww aren't we cute.

Singing Disney songs at Tiffany's house afterwards.

Pictures courtesy of Amanda =)